It is what it is
“It is what it is”. When you hear someone respond to a situation with those words, do you find those words to be calming or frustrating? I must admit for the longest time, I found those words to be rather frustrating since I felt it wasn’t saying anything…it wasn’t agreement or disagreement, if anything it seemd to imply acceptance, acquiescence, and that action couldn’t or wouldn’t be taken. A co-worker described the use of those words to be like a “coping mechanism”.
But, I’ve since taken a closer look at this phrase and have come to understand how those few words can be both calming and empowering.
The Anthony Robbins coach (a program that I highly recommend) that I’ve been working with has been and continues to be a tremendous help in getting me there. My coach is helping me get to the place where I can relieve the stresses I put on myself when I have negative self-talk or having too many rules or expectations of the way I think things should be. He helped me understand that I can accept the world as it is (like the “Serenity Prayer” that Mom always quoted growing up) in a way that is still empowering….that it is important to stay resourceful; that you can be calm and still take corrective action as needed; and that releasing the stress of the situation doesn’t mean that I have to ignore what’s going on around me.
I bring this up now, because in the past few days, I’ve found numerous situations in which to apply this. And, it’s not that there is a clear corrective action or particular opinion necessary for any of these examples, it’s just that agonizing over them won’t put us in a place where we can be productive to ourselves or others.
Take into consideration the following….Martha Stewart being released from jail as thinner, richer, and more famous. It is what it is. The 1,500th U.S. soldier has died in Iraq. It is what it is. These two issues alone have become as controversial as abortion and the death penalty.
Another example, take headlines around the recently freed Italian journalist who was mistakenly fired upon my U.S. troops , who inadvertently killed the man who negotiated her release. “It is what it is” may seem a bit trite here, but we need to keep ourselves resourceful. (And in no way to make light of this situation, this reminds me of the lyrics to the Avenue Q song #2 “What Do You Do With a B.A. in English? / It Sucks to Be Me/You/Us“.) But we must find a way to deal with it, learn from it, and move on. Oprah has even done a show on that theme: “The Mistake I Can’t Take Back“.
And, then there are the less serious examples, too. Take Tyler Perry who was on Oprah yesterday, he explains why he has this mansion-like house that would make anyone wonder, “who needs a house that big?”. His answer was that it is not that he needed the space, but to show what can be achieved in contrast to his being homeless just seven years prior. Hmh, makes you think differently when you have the whole story. So, who are we to judge. It simply is what it is.
So, I wanted to conclude with something profound but I’ll leave that to the experts. I think “it is what it is” may be a strong enough conclusion on it’s own, but I’ll add a little more…. According to my AR Coach: Release the stress and stay resourceful, or “resource full”. And, according to one of the masters, I conclude by paraphrasing Dr. Wayne W. Dyer from his PBS program and book on The Power of Intention, he says something like “not feeling good will only attract those negative things and creates resistance…no amount of feeling bad (or I add: having stress, or being angry or negative) about others is going to help anyone else or help anything get better”.
